So. As you all know. I’m Rooster. And with this little entry here I’m gonna try and help you understand what it’s like to be Rooster.

Not like, by explaining to you about crowing at the sunrise, that would be strange. But I suppose I could if you insisted…….you fucking weirdo.

No, today I’m going to tell a short story to give you a bit of insight into my absentminded retardobrain.

Place: PornStar’s pick-up truck.

So PornStar and I are headed out to get FlipSide from his place of employment. Now I’m relatively used to his pick-up now, or so I like to think. But at this moment in my life, I was most certainly not.

So we pull up at FlipSide’s work. And he walks around to the passenger side to get in, while I move over into the middle seat. And just as he opens the door:

ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM.

The truck accelerates like a motherfucker, slamming the passenger door, and leaving FlipSide freaked the fuck out behind it.

Now all of this happens in a total of about five fucking ridiculous fucking seconds.

I’m completely oblivious, head in the fucking clouds, no fucking idea what’s going on. And I look at PornStar with huge eyes. He is already looking at me, and I completely misjudge his facial expression. Which obviously said something like, “You are so fucking stupid, you waste of human space”.

Rooster: Dude. What the fuck are you doing?
PornStar: You fucking idiot! It’s fucking you!
Rooster: OH SHIT!

And I looked down, and took MY FUCKING FOOT off the gas pedal.
Yes. That’s right people. I actually UNKNOWINGLY pressed on the gas pedal, while a PASSENGER. Following this, I, completely unaware, kept my foot on it for FIVE FULL SECONDS before taking my foot off.

When FlipSide got in the truck finally, he flipped the fuck out. Obviously, at PornStar, because what other conclusion could he have come to?
That, somehow, the other guy in the truck did it? HAH. How is that even possible?

FlipSide: Dude. That was so gay. I almost fucking died.
PornStar: It was Rooster.
FlipSide: Fuck off man.
Rooster: No really it was me.

And FlipSide looked at me with complete astonished disbelief. Obviously.

And I think you’d believe, I’m never gonna live this one down. These two guys certainly haven’t shut up about it.

I genuinely did not know what I was doing. And I don’t understand it, really. It fucking baffles my brain. I actually thought it was PornStar just fucking around. But it was just my clumsy absentminded fucking self.

And that, my lovely four readers, is an insight into what it’s like to be a fucking idiot. Wait no, sorry, an insight into what it’s like to be me. My bad. You’ll see as these posts keep coming, it’ll be a recurring theme. I’ve tried to analyse these situations, maybe understand how I can be like this. But fuck if that’s paid off.

I’ll keep you apprised.