I thought of something.

Aliens.

UFOs.

How many of us totally believe these motherfuckers are out there?

I dunno about you but I totally do. Maybe it’s wishful thinking, but I doubt it. Logically speaking, it makes no sense to me that we’re the only fucking things in this verse.
And on top of that our planet is so fucking bullshit. Ugly piece of shit this is.

I’ve said countless times. I wish I was born however many years in the future. When intergalactic space travel is discovered.

INTERGALACTIC SPACE TRAVEL. My fucking favorite three words to say.

I have a dream! A dream that consists of me being the captain of a small wanton crew of misfits. Traversing the stars in an awesomely fucking awesome little ship that owns your face.

But unfortunately. I am one with a dream that he can never fulfill. Unless one of you has discovered time travel. If so. CALL ME.

But that’s unlikely. So we’re stuck. Here. In the now. With one of the biggest questions out there.

ARE WE ALONE?

Fuck you we’re not.

I dunno where they are. If they’ve really already made contact. Or if they know we’re here or whatever the fuck.

But what if they are here already? What if they have made contact? And what if they’re just the biggest fucking trolls we’ve ever encountered?

Think about it. Think about the modern fascination with UFOs, or “Flying Saucers”. The first, most well documented sighting being in 1947, where a pilot reported seeing 9 objects shooting through the sky at a fucking estimated 1000 miles per hour. That’s some fucking TRIPPY shit. But there are even more reports dating even further back closer to 1900. And even in fucking ancient history and shit.

But let’s take into account the last hundred years or so. All these accounts of sightings and people flipping the fuck out. “I’ve been abducted!” “I saw a UFO!” “ALIENS EXIST! BLINK 182 WAS RIGHT!”

What if, for the past hundred years, these fucking Aliens have just been fucking with us. What if they’re just a bunch of jokers. They’re not evil. They’re not looking to conquer us. They’re just a bunch of fucking trolls.

That’s their prime fucking directive. Troll the shit out of the fucking human race.

They’re up there. In their fucking AWESOME ass space ships. With gold plated thrusters. And MASSIVE fucking subwoofers. Smoking their alien dope and laughing their fucking asses off. If they even have asses. Which they probably don’t.

That’s what is happening people. Us humans are fucking tripping balls. And have been for a hundred years. And it’s all for those stoned motherfucking aliens’ entertainment.

And if they’re reading this, I have a message I need to convey.

Aliens. TAKE ME! I’LL BRING DUBSTEP!

 

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