Tag Archive: Tucker max

Smoke There’s Fire

So this is gonna be a short one. I’ve had a recent experience that must be shared, seeing as it is FUCKING JOKES.

So here’s the deal. Friday night I’m out with a couple of my buddies for some drinking and drinking and like. More drinking and stuff. It was good drinking.

The night itself was decent, nothing outrageous. So the whole night doesn’t make a blog entry. Getting drunk and stumbling around doing random fucking shit isn’t all that interesting on paper. Though in practice it’s fucking sweet as shit. Shit isn’t that sweet. I should probably say. Sweet as marshmallows.

Anyways. We’re at a random bar. I don’t remember where. And when I’m drunk I do enjoy a nice cigar. So Aces and I step outside for a smoke.

We’re standing there next to an alleyway, and this fucking drunken large ass Asian guy stumbles down the street and turns toward the alleyway. It actually means nothing that he’s Asian. And doesn’t forward this story at fucking all. But he’s Asian, and I’m very meticulous with my details. So fuck you.

As he’s passing us he gets mad fucking close and sticks his face right in our faces, and just stumbles on. Aces and I think this is fucking jokes, so we watch him stumble. And he stops mid alleyway and starts pissing. Facing the other way, obviously. We saw no shaft. Don’t worry.

And when he’s finished he stumbles back and stops at us. Now this guy is FUCKED. Fucking TrainWreckFucked. He stood there fucking staring in our faces, eyes barely focusing on the two of us standing there. I could literally see his pupils dilate as he tried to look into our eyes or whatever shit this motherfucker was trying to do.

Rooster: Yo man. You okay there? You havin a good night?


That’s what he fucking said. I swear. Mmmmmmmrrrgmmggmmmgggg. It was fucking elaborate.

He looked at us a few more seconds and then tried to walk away. But instead he kind of just, stood in place and did some kind of fucking feet shuffle. Which didn’t get him anywhere. And he looked back up at us with this look of surprise on his face. Like he thought he walked away, only to realize he didn’t fucking go anywhere.

Aces and I are silently dying. Trying not to laugh.

Rooster: You don’t look so good man. You feeling alright?


This guy was a fucking conversationalist. I kid you not.

Rooster: Here man. I bet you could use one of these.

I handed him my half finished cigar. Cause I’m a decent motherfucker. And this guy needed my aid.

And I swear to you. He fucking grabs the cigar from my hand. Continues looking in our faces, and without even glancing at it, puts it in the pocket of his hoodie.

My fucking lit cigar. He fucking put my lit cigar into his hoodie. And he did this like it was the most fucking normal thing he could have done. Like he was just checking the time or some shit. That’s just what he does with fucking cigars. Obviously.

Aces and I fucking cracked the fuck up. It was unavoidable. Did this just actually fucking happen?

And when we laugh he looks at us like he wants to kill us. But that quickly passes. He mumbles some more nonsense. And he just ambles away into the darkness of Montreal.

As you can see. This had to be shared. I really hope he enjoyed my cigar. He deserves it.

A Story From Remicks

Hey guys, welcome the fuck to Rooster’s Blog.

My name is Remicks, you may remember the name from the other fucking crazy stories. If you don’t, you may excuse yourself the fuck away from this page.

If you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m going to write this blog entry for Rooster because my blog was PG the fuck 13 and his is clearly anything fucking goes. So I’m letting out my inner “fuck shit piss motherfuck bitch whores” on this bitch.

This is one of those nights that everyone who attended will remember for years to come. To set the premise I’d like you all to know that I won’t be using any fucking names during this blog because anonymity was both asked for and implied for the dignity of some of the fuckers in this story.

So one of my fucking awesome friends ended up having a house to himself for a whole fucking month – this doesn’t happen very often and much less for this fucking guys family.

We partied pretty fucking hard pretty fucking often, but one night we fuckin decided that we were going to play the game Edward 40 hands. For you boring fucks who don’t know what the fuck the fucking game is well fuck – be immature for a year and have some fucking fun. It’s about duct taping some fucking fortys to your fucking hands and not taking them off till they’re both done.

The night was young and the fucking plan was actually to have a mini show (of two local bands) for their closest friends.

And we crashed the fucking party with fortys. While the show was being played we randomly decided it’d be a fucking great idea to start cheersing one another while saying Edward every fucking time you cheersed another Edward.

“Edward” “Edward!” “Good day Edward!”

Problem is we were a fucking dozen retards holding these fortys – all wanting to piss and having tired muscles from holding the heavy fucking bottles.

The show was dope as fuck – the first band having a member that has been part of virtually every story Rooster has written.

The other band just being a group that has played together so long the complexity and dynamic of their music was just remarkable – three fucking thumbs up to both of them.

[Allow me to interject for just one moment. I, Rooster, will take the baton from this dirty mouthed fatherfucker.

I’d like to give some insight into the degree of my wasted off my life-ness.

At one point, during the collective Edward cheersing of 2012, my drunk ass broke the top of one of my fortys.

So here I am, stumbling around, taking swigs from a sharp fucking shard, when the second band starts playing “Stacy’s Mom”.

And my drunk ass flips the fuck out, swaying and smashing my way through the tiny crowd, singing “Scotty Doesn’t Know”, at the top of my lungs.

I was entirely convinced that they were playing that song, which of course, they fucking weren’t. And afterward I go up to them and convey my total mind blown happiness.


Singer: (blank face) We didn’t play that…..


And now that I have ruined his flow, to pass it back to Remicks.]

By the time we were fucking done our fortys (and a picture before the removal of the fortys– that made it on TheChive.com) we got some fuckin chick to cut them off and proceed to rip off the duct tape……..along with any fucking hair we once had on our hands.

Now this is when the fucking party picked up. All those who weren’t playing forty hands still got fucked on whatever they were drinking – and the Jell-o shots came in from the outside. This was during the middle of winter in CANADA… so they were ready as fuck to get consumed. We downed those and started doing what we do best – ramble on about stupid shit and try to get others more fucked up.

By this time some random girl was at the party giving herself to any fucking guy who’d make eye contact with her. I’m not sure if she’s always fucking like that (pun?) or if she was on tongue to the face mode that night – but she looked like she was having (and looking to give) a good fucking time.

This girl starts going after the host of the party – she goes as far as drawing a chick touching herself on the whiteboard in his room. The drawing was dirty as fuck – but kudos to the effort, it’s more than my left brained ass could do on a good day. Bitch got tired because the host wasn’t down for her sloppy trunk trying to get on his junk so she moved on to her next target.

This next target – who may or may not be the author of this blog, [It was] fucking pushed the limits of this girl. They were making out and it looked like it was on from dusk till dawn. [We were] These fucking kids were basically at each other’s faces like the world was going to end.

They took it downstairs to the room where Rooster’s ex was staying (they moved in temporarily when the parents left) and he was, to quote Rooster, “Sucking on her tittys”, [I fucking was] making out and god knows what else until they got cock blocked. [Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck]

This can be looked at as fucking disgusting – but I thought it was fucking jokes as fuck, I mean how good of a moment Is it to suck on some beautiful ass titties on the current bed of your ex – and then have her the one who walks in on you?!

Golden .

Around this time there were other things happening – not fucking cool things. Some two fucking assholes were basically groping a girl who didn’t want any of it. A very rape-y sort.

When people finally stepped up and told them to fuck off, these fucking retards leave – but not without smashing a window first.

Now the host of this party can kick some fucking ass singlehandedly. But he fucking took a bat out. Shit got settled and the cops were called but he went in a blood rage and fucking punched a metal pole before he realized he had to calm down.

The party cleared out a bit after the events of those fuckheads – but the girl of the hour had yet to acquire her target for the night. This girl starts sitting on laps and probably would have taken her clothes off if she didn’t get the attention she needed.

Eventually she acquired a target and had the nerve to take him into the parent’s room for some action. This didn’t fucking go over well with the host – who somehow got more shit thrown in his face aside from the broken fucking window. He stormed in and kicked those two shitfaced retards out of his fucking house and called it a night.

This fucking night ended the relationships of a few of the attendees due to the obvious fucking reasons .

Sucking tittys on the ex’s bed? GG
Breaking a window? GTFO
Sex on parent’s bed? /unfriend

All said and done – the concert was fucking amazing and those fucking groups fucking blow my fucked mind to fuck.

For a PG 13 and completely unrelated version of my writing check jcoppola.wordpress.com

I will leave now.. with a couple of
Fuck shit piss motherfucking whore fucking slut cunt ass twat bitchass hoefaced chode with a fucker on top tabarnak coliss esti putain de merde encule ta mere batard.

Thank you and have a nice day 🙂